Sunday, March 25, 2007

Options and Burdens

Glad that I can accompany Fang to go to his boy scout activity and hike in Point Lobo State Reserve. Even we have been there a few times, it is still a enjoy enable experience for us. Especially the side trip we took to the whaler’s cove. A place rich with history, including a short chapter of early Chinese settlement. Jung Choy. Don’t know hundreds of years from now, will there be any records of we staying in Monterey and Carmel.

It is leisure and enjoyable Sunday. From most perspective, a fulfilling day. However, I woke up from my afternoon nap and felt anxious that a full day gone by without much achievements.

I reflect on my work and felt most of it are meaningless. I guess it is part of the middle age. Suddenly I start to negotiate with life on the nickel and dime level because I start to feel so little is left. I enjoy my work, my family and my daily life. It is peaceful and enjoyable, but there are parts of my heart that are not fully content. Need a break through.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Middle Age

Reading a book about middle age. Interesting but not surprising that most people going through similar experience during the middle year 40-50 years old.

Moving forward as fast as possible no longed seemed to be the only way. Stop and enjoy the journey become more of a norm in a daily routine. Play tennis for 4 hours and the body will let you know it can not sustain such abuse anymore. After yet another day of long tennis playing, it is painful even just want to flip on bed. My right knee is developing a crippling arthritis, because of a skiing accident about 10 years gao, it is painful to move it every Sunday afternoon because of all the exercise over the weekend.

Middle age let me really feel the end of life is indeed there. Before I hit 40, the end of life is like black holes in the outer space. Yes, I know they exist, but as more of a abstract concept than real beings. Now, I calculate the return of my time investment on almost all large projects I work on because I know my time is limited.

I decide to keep a habit of writing a page of something every night. To use that as way to keep myself productive, keep me moving forward and keep a mark in my life which is fading away really fast.

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Father's piano lesson

Going with Yuan to her piano class with Mr. Lyn Bronson. For half an hour, I sit next to Yuan and enjoy both being a proud father and refresh pieces of lessons I heard many years ago but did not learn. Yuan, even at 8, is learning pieces that are challenging for 10-year-old. Many of the pieces are hard for me also.

At night, I sit next to Yuan and Fang when they practice the piano, when their finger dancing on the keys, my eyes follow the notes and as if I am practicing also. When they make a mistake or finish a piece flawlessly, the frustration and triumph are complete felt as my own.

Yuan and potentially Fang will enter local piano competition April 1 with many of Mr. and Mrs. Bronson's pupils. The Bronson's holds Friday "performing classes" regularly. Their house is on a hill in Carmel Highland with beautiful ocean view. They four Steinway's sound great and we were amazed how great those teenagers play.

I appreciate the opportunity to teach and learn music with Yuan and Fang, it is not only their lesson, it is also mine.

Thursday, March 1, 2007

Stary nights

Clear night sky. Full moon with stars. Late night at home office. Familiar music from nice stereo. Kids asleep, Herb tea is hot and generating a slight steam. I should be contented. Mostly I am, but when I read any magazine about the people making noise in the world, and return to work and have to deal with trivial issues, I felt anxious to get out and break away from the current comforts and limited success.

It's been 21 years since I arrived at the county, two more years, I will have been living in the US longer than I have in Taiwan. That would be a milestone. Not sure what the milestone is leading to, but an important point in my life nonetheless.

Living the dreams

I used to just nod politely saying "just fine", when people ask me "how are you doing?".  I decided to change that. ...